Damn Destiny
by Rei10
Summary: Buffy's POV, she walks down the street and questions her life and her feelings about Tara's death


Disclaimer- I don't own anything! Except for my goldfish, Fred. Fred is my best friend; therefore, you can't have him. Song- Another Ataris fic!!!!!! Its 'Unopened Letter To The World!' Synopsis- Oooo my first fic from Buffy's POV! Buffy walks down the street and questions her life and expresses her feelings for Tara's death. Warnings- I'm writing this before I write the fic, my mind works and my fingers type, so I don't know if there are any warnings yet. If there are, it won't kill you. Spoilers- Late season six early season seven  
  
I walk down the Rovelo Drive, pondering my existence. I am here to die. Wonderful life. Damn destiny.  
  
If I died tomorrow  
Would this song live on forever??  
Here is my...  
Unopened letter to a world  
That never shall reply  
If I died tomorrow  
Would this song live on forever??  
Here is my.  
Unopened letter to a world  
That never shall reply, never shall reply  
  
Will I live to see my 30th birthday? Will I watch my friends die? Will I ever get married? Even find a guy I'm happy with? Will I ever leave Sunnydale? A slayer's existence is confusion, mass confusion. None of these questions can be answered. I don't know whether to be mad or scared. I always thought Willow was so lucky, to have found the love of her life in her freshman year of college. I thought they would be forever, I think Willow thought so too. Damn destiny.  
  
From this second story window  
I can hear the church bells calling out my name.  
This table is set for one.  
Even angels would be homesick in this forsaken town.  
On random notes of parchment  
I'm scrawling my existence,  
Dressed in white.  
This candle radiates throughout the night  
And it's never burning out, never burning out  
  
So my whole life I sit, and watch the other kids laugh and play, I can't join them because I have the end of the world to deal with. Six, six I've stopped. It leaves us with a sudden need to know the plural of apocalypse; maybe I'll call Giles. I wish I could join them, all the people who don't know, who don't have a clue that their lives hang in the balance; and that all they have protecting them is a 22 year-old, blonde, sarcastic, college junior and her group of miss-matched friends. Damn destiny.  
  
From this second story window  
I can hear the children down on Main Street.  
They're singing their songs tonight.  
In the shadows, I will listen to their every movement.  
Mr. Higginson, Am I not good enough for the world?  
Am I destined only to die  
The same way that I lived?  
In seclusion.  
  
My friends, what would I do without them? Xander, Anya, Giles, Dawn, Willow, and Tar- God, I have to get used to that. Tara, I loved her so much, and when I saw her body lying there, crumpled on the ground. God. Willow, poor Willow, she's in England now, with Giles, recovering. I walk through the gate and pause in my backyard. There's the window, newly fixed. There's a candle on the windowsill. I don't know why it was so important to them, they would giggle and call it 'extra-flamey.' It's lit right now, I'm not sure how it got lit, but it did. Maybe Tara did it; there are times when I swear I can see her again. I enter the house and walk up the stairs to my best friend's unoccupied bedroom; I cross the room and kneel by the window, putting my face up to this 'extra-flamey' candle. My breath makes the flame flicker, but I don't press further. I don't want it to burn out. It's like killing her all over again. Why'd she have to die? It was so unfair. Damn destiny.  
  
From high up on this mountain  
I can almost see your lonely windowsill.  
They'll carry you off tonight.  
There's a ghost in your old bedroom  
And a candle burning bright.  
  
At least I know where she is. She's where I was. I'll make sure she stays there. Sometimes I wish I was back there, it was nice, peaceful; but I would never tell my friends. Why'd they bring me back? I'm so selfish, I should be happy I'm back. Damn destiny.  
  
If I died tomorrow  
Would this song live on forever?  
  
I get up and step back and leave the room without a second look at the 'extra-flamey' candle. I'll let it burn. 


End file.
